When we start dealing with our past—I mean really dealing with it—there are times we go into "overwhelm mode." By that, I mean that the feelings that come up can knock us off our feet temporarily. Pay attention to the word “temporarily” because it’s very important. Overwhelm mode is not a fixed state that will last forever—it only feels that way at the time it happens.
I’ve already said that my experience causes me to trust the healing process—to believe we will never be given more to handle than we are able. And that’s true. Still, there are times that feel very overwhelming, and it’s important to know how to deal with them.
I’ve already said that my experience causes me to trust the healing process—to believe we will never be given more to handle than we are able. And that’s true. Still, there are times that feel very overwhelming, and it’s important to know how to deal with them.
My Story
When I read a chapter in The Courage to Heal called The Emergency Stage, I knew for the first time what was going on. I was early in my healing process and I felt totally overwhelmed. Some days I couldn’t get out of bed. The feelings of fear kept washing over me and I was paralyzed.
It was so validating to know there was something called The Emergency Stage. Others had been there and come out with their skin on. And, it was temporary.
Throughout my healing, The Emergency Stage came and went. It was most intense at first. Just getting through the day was a full-time job. This lasted several months. Later, it came and stayed for shorter periods of time. And, because I had been there before, I wasn’t as startled by it.
A friend gave me a great analogy that I used often. She said the healing process is like standing in the ocean during a terrible storm. At first, the waves are constant. They knock you off your feet again and again. You usually don’t make it back to your feet before you are knocked down once more. Gradually, the big waves come a little less often. You have a bit of time in between to get back up and pull yourself together. Eventually, they are smaller and farther apart. You let them pass by you without knocking you down. And finally, you simply are able to enjoy a day at the beach.
It was so validating to know there was something called The Emergency Stage. Others had been there and come out with their skin on. And, it was temporary.
Throughout my healing, The Emergency Stage came and went. It was most intense at first. Just getting through the day was a full-time job. This lasted several months. Later, it came and stayed for shorter periods of time. And, because I had been there before, I wasn’t as startled by it.
A friend gave me a great analogy that I used often. She said the healing process is like standing in the ocean during a terrible storm. At first, the waves are constant. They knock you off your feet again and again. You usually don’t make it back to your feet before you are knocked down once more. Gradually, the big waves come a little less often. You have a bit of time in between to get back up and pull yourself together. Eventually, they are smaller and farther apart. You let them pass by you without knocking you down. And finally, you simply are able to enjoy a day at the beach.
Our Walk Together - Questions and Answers
What causes The Emergency Stage?
I’m sure therapists would have a clinical answer for this. From the perspective of someone who has lived through it, I would say that we spend a lifetime not dealing with the child sexual abuse. We build a world that avoids the memories, feelings, and integration of that violation. When we begin to heal, we open the floodgates. We are now facing what we have feared most, dealing with what really happened and how that has impacted us. There’s a lot of stuff that starts bubbling up. It can feel overwhelming.
The beach analogy is great, but I would like to know specific things you did to get through the overwhelming periods.
I took extremely good care of myself and I honored where I was. Here are some specifics:
I’m sure therapists would have a clinical answer for this. From the perspective of someone who has lived through it, I would say that we spend a lifetime not dealing with the child sexual abuse. We build a world that avoids the memories, feelings, and integration of that violation. When we begin to heal, we open the floodgates. We are now facing what we have feared most, dealing with what really happened and how that has impacted us. There’s a lot of stuff that starts bubbling up. It can feel overwhelming.
The beach analogy is great, but I would like to know specific things you did to get through the overwhelming periods.
I took extremely good care of myself and I honored where I was. Here are some specifics:
- I allowed myself to be scared and immobilized.
- I told my business partners that I was going through a really tough time emotionally and that I would be focusing more on getting through it than on the business.
- I surrounded myself with my safety support structure.
- I had a list of friends I could call and talk to when things got to be too much.
- I did a lot of work in my survivors group.
- I ate comfort food.
- I wrote in my journal.
- I got massages when doing so felt comforting.
- I used exercise to feel strong when this felt called for.
Action Steps
Create a plan for what you will do to take care of yourself when you feel overwhelmed. Do it at a time that you don’t feel overwhelmed. Write it down. Step by step. Keep it handy. Then, when you go into overwhelm, you don’t have to figure out what to do. You only have one thing to remember: Go to your overwhelm plan and act on it.
It might look something like this:
Write your step-by-step plan now. Make several copies and keep them in handy places.
It might look something like this:
- Put both feet on the floor and take 10 deep breaths.
- Go to my safe place.
- Call Mary. Her number is _______.
- If Mary is not there, call _______. Her number is _______.
- Tell her that I need her to tell me that this will all be okay. That I am safe today. That what happened in the past is not happening now.
Write your step-by-step plan now. Make several copies and keep them in handy places.
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