Living
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In coaching, I often tell my clients to orient their lives around their values. What I am referring to are not the traditional ethical values. Rather, I’m talking about the values we all have that are the truest expression of who we are.
When you are living your life in a way that expresses your values, you are living a very satisfying life. You are probably coming pretty close to touching the reason you are on this planet. That’s a big statement, and it’s true.
An important connection exists between needs, which I discussed earlier, and values. When needs remain unconscious and drive our decision-making without our acknowledging them, it’s hard to focus on our values. So we live in a way that is “out of phase” with the essence of who we are. Once we get our needs met consciously, we are then free to make decisions that allow us to live a life that expresses our values.
When you are living your life in a way that expresses your values, you are living a very satisfying life. You are probably coming pretty close to touching the reason you are on this planet. That’s a big statement, and it’s true.
An important connection exists between needs, which I discussed earlier, and values. When needs remain unconscious and drive our decision-making without our acknowledging them, it’s hard to focus on our values. So we live in a way that is “out of phase” with the essence of who we are. Once we get our needs met consciously, we are then free to make decisions that allow us to live a life that expresses our values.
My Story
I began to dread getting up in the mornings. I despised starting another day because it meant going to work. I hated my job—even though I owned the company. What was that about?
It was about feeling unfulfilled. I had, in a matter of years, been a finalist for two prestigious business awards. I owned one of the most respected companies of our kind in the country. Yet, I didn’t get much satisfaction from it.
What I know now, that I didn’t know then, is that I wasn’t living my values. (My needs weren’t getting met either, which certainly compounded things.)
As I learned about coaching, I did a lot of values clarification and realized my most important values were To Catalyze, To Create, Freedom, and Mastery. These values had been expressed in my work in the first years of the business when I was building the company. Now that it was up and running, these same values weren’t being honored.
When I sold the business, I felt as if I had my freedom back. That’s when I went to coaching school and started a new career. I’ve been able to construct a life that expresses my values each day in everything I do. This is the ultimate!
It was about feeling unfulfilled. I had, in a matter of years, been a finalist for two prestigious business awards. I owned one of the most respected companies of our kind in the country. Yet, I didn’t get much satisfaction from it.
What I know now, that I didn’t know then, is that I wasn’t living my values. (My needs weren’t getting met either, which certainly compounded things.)
As I learned about coaching, I did a lot of values clarification and realized my most important values were To Catalyze, To Create, Freedom, and Mastery. These values had been expressed in my work in the first years of the business when I was building the company. Now that it was up and running, these same values weren’t being honored.
When I sold the business, I felt as if I had my freedom back. That’s when I went to coaching school and started a new career. I’ve been able to construct a life that expresses my values each day in everything I do. This is the ultimate!
Our Walk Together - Questions and Answers
I’m still not clear about values in the way you use the term.
Your values are the essence of who you are. Look at what you chose to do when you were six years old—the games you liked, your favorite stories. Chances are you were expressing your values. Even now, when you are engaged in an activity that expresses one of your values, it feels like time disappears. You look up and six hours have passed, and you have forgotten to eat. That’s when you are living a value.
Why are values something that’s important for a child sexual abuse survivor to understand?
We have been taught not to set the bar of expectations very high. Early on, we learned that life is tough and we can’t have it our way. But … we can! That’s the whole message of this website. By understanding what is fulfilling to us and acting upon it as described in these pages, we can have life our way.
Selling your business to honor your values is a pretty drastic step. Do you really think people who are in the ravages of child sexual abuse recovery will be able to make such dramatic moves?
This is a very important question. It’s all about timing and not forcing things before you are ready for them. In this book, I have laid out a progression of healing practices. While the progress is not completely linear, it is unlikely that someone will be ready to tackle needs and values before she/he has tackled creating a safe space. One of the most important messages in this book is for each reader to take on new concepts when he/she is ready. Each person will move back and forth among these concepts, as her/his healing requires.
Not everyone will need to take as drastic a step as selling their business.
Your values are the essence of who you are. Look at what you chose to do when you were six years old—the games you liked, your favorite stories. Chances are you were expressing your values. Even now, when you are engaged in an activity that expresses one of your values, it feels like time disappears. You look up and six hours have passed, and you have forgotten to eat. That’s when you are living a value.
Why are values something that’s important for a child sexual abuse survivor to understand?
We have been taught not to set the bar of expectations very high. Early on, we learned that life is tough and we can’t have it our way. But … we can! That’s the whole message of this website. By understanding what is fulfilling to us and acting upon it as described in these pages, we can have life our way.
Selling your business to honor your values is a pretty drastic step. Do you really think people who are in the ravages of child sexual abuse recovery will be able to make such dramatic moves?
This is a very important question. It’s all about timing and not forcing things before you are ready for them. In this book, I have laid out a progression of healing practices. While the progress is not completely linear, it is unlikely that someone will be ready to tackle needs and values before she/he has tackled creating a safe space. One of the most important messages in this book is for each reader to take on new concepts when he/she is ready. Each person will move back and forth among these concepts, as her/his healing requires.
Not everyone will need to take as drastic a step as selling their business.
Action Steps
Use the Tru Values Program. Go on the internet and search for “tru values”. (Or click here.) One of the top responses will be a pdf file to download and print out. It's a list of words, grouped in categories.
My top four values:
#1 __________________
#2 __________________
#3 ___________________
#4 ___________________
Now, ask yourself the following questions:
- Go through the list of words and highlight the ones you believe are your values.
- Write the number you have highlighted in each category by the category title.
- Divide that number by the total number of words in that category to get a percentage. (If there were ten words and you highlighted six of them, your percentage for that category is 60%)
- Find the four categories with the highest percentages.
- Write them down.
My top four values:
#1 __________________
#2 __________________
#3 ___________________
#4 ___________________
Now, ask yourself the following questions:
- Are these values (my essence) being expressed in the way I live and work?
- What is my level of satisfaction with my life, and how might that relate to my values?
- What action could I take to make my values a natural part of how I live?
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Copyright 2006 Journey Publishing LLC |
