My Story
When I was a little girl and my father used to abuse me, he would sometimes tie me down with his neckties. Neckties were a smart choice, because they are wide and soft and don’t leave distinct marks like a cord would. Mainly he tied down my arms.
Today, my hands and arms sometimes tighten unconsciously as if straining against some invisible restraint. It happens when I feel any situation threatening my freedom. The feeling is a warning signal that I don’t feel safe.
This had been happening for years, even before the memories came. It used to freak me out. My arms seemed to have a life of their own. Over time, I have come to respect this response as evidence of my body’s own unique way of warning me. It’s a sign of the great intelligence of my body to interpret what is safe and what is not.
Over the years, I have come to respect my body’s various ways of communicating with me. There is a place in my lower right back that sometimes spasms. When I was going through the most intense of my memory work, it would lock up for weeks at a time. Nothing could unlock it. The chiropractor didn’t help for more than a few hours. Massages provided only temporary relief. Eventually it would go away. After this happened five or six times I started to notice a pattern. It would go away after I had released anger.
Now, when that place in my back starts to tighten up, I go within and ask what I am angry about. Usually I find the answer. Then I release it physically—through running or some other form of exertion. It’s amazing—immediate relief. Boy, my body is really smart.
One of my friends frequently choked for no apparent reason. She’s always had something going down the wrong pipe. She had been abused as a child and had always remembered the abuse, but never spoken of it. I believe her body was literally choking on the secret.
In incest survivor group I learned that it has been scientifically proven that trauma is stored at a cellular level. This being the case, our bodies can act as powerful instruments in our healing. They hold the abuse, giving us the opportunity to release it. Bodies are wise in a way our minds are not. If we can learn to listen to our bodies, they will help us heal.
Today, my hands and arms sometimes tighten unconsciously as if straining against some invisible restraint. It happens when I feel any situation threatening my freedom. The feeling is a warning signal that I don’t feel safe.
This had been happening for years, even before the memories came. It used to freak me out. My arms seemed to have a life of their own. Over time, I have come to respect this response as evidence of my body’s own unique way of warning me. It’s a sign of the great intelligence of my body to interpret what is safe and what is not.
Over the years, I have come to respect my body’s various ways of communicating with me. There is a place in my lower right back that sometimes spasms. When I was going through the most intense of my memory work, it would lock up for weeks at a time. Nothing could unlock it. The chiropractor didn’t help for more than a few hours. Massages provided only temporary relief. Eventually it would go away. After this happened five or six times I started to notice a pattern. It would go away after I had released anger.
Now, when that place in my back starts to tighten up, I go within and ask what I am angry about. Usually I find the answer. Then I release it physically—through running or some other form of exertion. It’s amazing—immediate relief. Boy, my body is really smart.
One of my friends frequently choked for no apparent reason. She’s always had something going down the wrong pipe. She had been abused as a child and had always remembered the abuse, but never spoken of it. I believe her body was literally choking on the secret.
In incest survivor group I learned that it has been scientifically proven that trauma is stored at a cellular level. This being the case, our bodies can act as powerful instruments in our healing. They hold the abuse, giving us the opportunity to release it. Bodies are wise in a way our minds are not. If we can learn to listen to our bodies, they will help us heal.
Our Walk Together - Questions and Answers
When you talk about listening to your body, how do you listen?
Eventually, awareness becomes natural to you. But, after years of being numb, you might not be able to be aware of your body at first. You may have to ask it what is going on.
That sounds pretty weird. How do you ask your body?
I talk to my body or I may write to it. I ask if there is something it’s trying to tell me. I ask if there is something it is ready to release. Or if it knows what that particular pain or pressure is about. This sounds strange, I know, but I usually get an answer that allows me to move on.
What do you mean “an answer”? How does your body answer?
I usually find myself with what I can only describe as “knowing.” Maybe not within that exact moment, but soon. I have found my body to be very wise. Sometimes it knows things my mind doesn’t have a clue about.
What are other ways, besides talking or writing that you get in touch with your body?
Physical exercise, massage, yoga, meditation are good possibilities. There are many ways. Different ways work at different times. It’s good to have a lot of tools from which to choose.
Eventually, awareness becomes natural to you. But, after years of being numb, you might not be able to be aware of your body at first. You may have to ask it what is going on.
That sounds pretty weird. How do you ask your body?
I talk to my body or I may write to it. I ask if there is something it’s trying to tell me. I ask if there is something it is ready to release. Or if it knows what that particular pain or pressure is about. This sounds strange, I know, but I usually get an answer that allows me to move on.
What do you mean “an answer”? How does your body answer?
I usually find myself with what I can only describe as “knowing.” Maybe not within that exact moment, but soon. I have found my body to be very wise. Sometimes it knows things my mind doesn’t have a clue about.
What are other ways, besides talking or writing that you get in touch with your body?
Physical exercise, massage, yoga, meditation are good possibilities. There are many ways. Different ways work at different times. It’s good to have a lot of tools from which to choose.
Action Steps
Begin the practice of listening to your body. Honor whatever it is saying. Come to see it as your friend. Your guardian. It is there to protect you and to give you answers.
Ask yourself:
Ask yourself:
- Are there patterns of the location and type of pain I feel most often?
- Do I notice any relationship between what is happening around me and what I feel in my body?
- When I feel specific emotions, what do I feel in my body? (For example: fear = tightness in chest; anger = pain in lower back; shame = overall heaviness.)
- When I feel pain in my body, what was going on when the pain began?
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Copyright 2006 Journey Publishing LLC |
