My Story
So I knew the sun would rise in the morning and set in the evening. It was a good start. It was the beginning of my new foundation. (See Dismantling for context here.)
Slowly I began to put my world back together. Actually, it was more like putting it together for the first time. Everything I believed in had been shattered. There wasn’t much to build on, I thought. But then I found something.
Deep inside, I found me! I discovered that core of my being which had been strong enough to survive. There was someone home!
Plus, that someone had a set of positive assets to put to work. There were certain survival skills I had acquired as a defense mechanism against the abuse. Now, they would serve me well by helping me rebuild my life.
For example, I had “radar” —the ability to walk into a situation and read it instantly.
I also had a quick mind and a strong instinct for self-protection. In addition, I had a support system that had been missing for many years: a loving husband, some very good friends, a therapist and an incest survivor support group.
With these strengths, assets and tools, I was ready to build my future.
A valuable step was to read books to help me heal myself. Through study and learning, I worked diligently at becoming emotionally healthy.
I became aware of the choices I was making and whether or not they were working for me. One choice that was not working was that with regard to people, I sometimes let my head overrule my instincts. This was always a mistake. So instead, I started to trust my “gut” about people. After making some mistakes on this, I finally got it—my gut is never wrong. Not ever. Once I understood this, I had a very valuable tool for decision-making.
As a consequence, I replaced abusive people with healthy, supportive people. What a difference that made!
Not surprisingly, trusting men was an issue. I made a list of those men in the world I knew I could trust. There were five. For years, there were only five. So, I learned how to be with these five healthy men. Eventually I expanded my range. And, over the years, I have come to have many wonderful men in my life.
I rebuilt my relationship with my mother. On my terms. With strong boundaries. It was good for me. It was also good for her. We both grew. We built a real relationship.
As I took these steps, my life began working for the first time.
Then in 1998, I discovered the profession of coaching. Thomas Leonard, the father of today’s professional coaching industry, had put together many amazing concepts for living an effortless life—a life of joy and fulfillment. As I studied to become a coach, I began living these principles. They work. As a result, my life works. My life has transformed from ruins to a life of utter joy.
Know this—the same is possible for you. You can make your life be what you choose. It takes time. It takes effort. You can do it!
Slowly I began to put my world back together. Actually, it was more like putting it together for the first time. Everything I believed in had been shattered. There wasn’t much to build on, I thought. But then I found something.
Deep inside, I found me! I discovered that core of my being which had been strong enough to survive. There was someone home!
Plus, that someone had a set of positive assets to put to work. There were certain survival skills I had acquired as a defense mechanism against the abuse. Now, they would serve me well by helping me rebuild my life.
For example, I had “radar” —the ability to walk into a situation and read it instantly.
I also had a quick mind and a strong instinct for self-protection. In addition, I had a support system that had been missing for many years: a loving husband, some very good friends, a therapist and an incest survivor support group.
With these strengths, assets and tools, I was ready to build my future.
A valuable step was to read books to help me heal myself. Through study and learning, I worked diligently at becoming emotionally healthy.
I became aware of the choices I was making and whether or not they were working for me. One choice that was not working was that with regard to people, I sometimes let my head overrule my instincts. This was always a mistake. So instead, I started to trust my “gut” about people. After making some mistakes on this, I finally got it—my gut is never wrong. Not ever. Once I understood this, I had a very valuable tool for decision-making.
As a consequence, I replaced abusive people with healthy, supportive people. What a difference that made!
Not surprisingly, trusting men was an issue. I made a list of those men in the world I knew I could trust. There were five. For years, there were only five. So, I learned how to be with these five healthy men. Eventually I expanded my range. And, over the years, I have come to have many wonderful men in my life.
I rebuilt my relationship with my mother. On my terms. With strong boundaries. It was good for me. It was also good for her. We both grew. We built a real relationship.
As I took these steps, my life began working for the first time.
Then in 1998, I discovered the profession of coaching. Thomas Leonard, the father of today’s professional coaching industry, had put together many amazing concepts for living an effortless life—a life of joy and fulfillment. As I studied to become a coach, I began living these principles. They work. As a result, my life works. My life has transformed from ruins to a life of utter joy.
Know this—the same is possible for you. You can make your life be what you choose. It takes time. It takes effort. You can do it!
Our Walk Together - Questions and Answers
You make it sound so easy. Read a few books, rebuild a few relationships, live a great life. When you are standing where I am--where nothing in my life is working--that seems impossible.
So, first of all remember that it seemed impossible for me, too. It really did. For a long, long time. And I don’t want to oversimplify or trivialize the journey in any way. It’s a long passage with lots of hard work. What I do want you to know is that you can build a life beyond your wildest expectations.
I need more specifics. Exactly what did you do?
I did all the things I have talked about in this book. So far, those things have focused mainly on resolving the past. I also did the other things I am going to present in the next few chapters that allowed me to create the future.
Healing and making a great life is a twofold process:
RESOLVING THE PAST
+
CREATING THE FUTURE
As previously noted, it’s not a linear process; however, a certain amount of resolving the past is necessary before you can move into creating the future. Be careful not to get ahead of yourself, but move at the pace that is right for you.
So what is this “Creating the Future” about?
For me, it’s about all the things I learned from Thomas Leonard and from my training at Coach U. It’s about understanding your needs and getting them met in a healthy way. About setting appropriate boundaries and enforcing them. About having standards by which you live. About eliminating things in your life that drain your energy. About orienting your life around those things that are the truest expression of who you are and why you are on this planet.
So, first of all remember that it seemed impossible for me, too. It really did. For a long, long time. And I don’t want to oversimplify or trivialize the journey in any way. It’s a long passage with lots of hard work. What I do want you to know is that you can build a life beyond your wildest expectations.
I need more specifics. Exactly what did you do?
I did all the things I have talked about in this book. So far, those things have focused mainly on resolving the past. I also did the other things I am going to present in the next few chapters that allowed me to create the future.
Healing and making a great life is a twofold process:
RESOLVING THE PAST
+
CREATING THE FUTURE
As previously noted, it’s not a linear process; however, a certain amount of resolving the past is necessary before you can move into creating the future. Be careful not to get ahead of yourself, but move at the pace that is right for you.
So what is this “Creating the Future” about?
For me, it’s about all the things I learned from Thomas Leonard and from my training at Coach U. It’s about understanding your needs and getting them met in a healthy way. About setting appropriate boundaries and enforcing them. About having standards by which you live. About eliminating things in your life that drain your energy. About orienting your life around those things that are the truest expression of who you are and why you are on this planet.
Action Steps
Your action is simple. Look through the topics on this website and become familiar with the concepts. Ask yourself which concepts would be helpful to you at this stage of your healing. Give one a try and see how your life shifts. Keep coming back to these topics. It’s a life-long process.
Please note: The concepts presented in the upcoming topics vary in their sophistication. You may be ready to apply some today. For others, it may take years before you are ready to put them into practice. Everything depends on where you are in your healing process. If you are in the Emergency Stage, that’s probably all you can deal with at the moment. If you have worked through many of the things necessary to resolve the past, you may be ready to tackle a number of these future-oriented concepts.
Listen to what you need and follow your gut about when you are ready for what.
Please note: The concepts presented in the upcoming topics vary in their sophistication. You may be ready to apply some today. For others, it may take years before you are ready to put them into practice. Everything depends on where you are in your healing process. If you are in the Emergency Stage, that’s probably all you can deal with at the moment. If you have worked through many of the things necessary to resolve the past, you may be ready to tackle a number of these future-oriented concepts.
Listen to what you need and follow your gut about when you are ready for what.
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Copyright 2006 Journey Publishing LLC |
