We all know the definition of insanity—doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Sometimes, to change our lives, we have to drastically change our approach to our lives. I’m suggesting beginning your healing journey with a leap of faith.
My Story
My decision to heal didn’t start out as a courageous one. It was a last resort.
I had tried all the external fixes. Addictive relationships. Business success at an early age. Nine years of therapy. Trying to buy happiness. Running away. Nothing had worked.
I took a leap of faith because I was miserable and had run out of options.
Here’s how it started. One day one of my employees walked into my office and shut the door. Lately, she had seemed distracted and distant. Through tears, she told me how she had been raped by her father as a child and was just now dealing with it. She explained that it was really throwing her for a loop and asked me to be understanding and patient as she worked through this difficult period.
How I responded to her story startled me. I sank into a deep depression. When it continued after three weeks, I had to admit this wasn’t about my compassion for my employee—this was about me. Something hidden deep inside had identified with what she was going through. She’d hit a nerve.
I’d been in and out of therapy for nine years. My therapist had once said that she suspected some sexual abuse in my past. I told her, truthfully, that I didn’t remember anything happening. We never discussed it again.
After weeks of depression, however, I went back to the therapist, ready to look at my past. I gave her four weeks to fix me. Little did I know I was up against something that would rule out any quick fix.
When the first memory hit, I was making a left hand turn on to a busy street near my house. It was a flash, an image, a bolt of lightning. My life, thankfully, could never be the same.
The memories began the journey to reclaim my life. Instead of four weeks, this journey would last for years.
I could have chosen not to take the first step. Instead, I took a leap of faith. That was the beginning. I was freefalling with no idea where I would land. I simply took it on faith that I would be okay. And I was.
Here’s what you must know before taking this leap: You will be okay. You really will. Surrender and fall into it, and the universe will support you. It will be scary as hell. It will take tremendous commitment. It will require strength you don’t even know you have yet. And, it will be worth it.
If you choose to, you can do this! You absolutely can do this!
I had tried all the external fixes. Addictive relationships. Business success at an early age. Nine years of therapy. Trying to buy happiness. Running away. Nothing had worked.
I took a leap of faith because I was miserable and had run out of options.
Here’s how it started. One day one of my employees walked into my office and shut the door. Lately, she had seemed distracted and distant. Through tears, she told me how she had been raped by her father as a child and was just now dealing with it. She explained that it was really throwing her for a loop and asked me to be understanding and patient as she worked through this difficult period.
How I responded to her story startled me. I sank into a deep depression. When it continued after three weeks, I had to admit this wasn’t about my compassion for my employee—this was about me. Something hidden deep inside had identified with what she was going through. She’d hit a nerve.
I’d been in and out of therapy for nine years. My therapist had once said that she suspected some sexual abuse in my past. I told her, truthfully, that I didn’t remember anything happening. We never discussed it again.
After weeks of depression, however, I went back to the therapist, ready to look at my past. I gave her four weeks to fix me. Little did I know I was up against something that would rule out any quick fix.
When the first memory hit, I was making a left hand turn on to a busy street near my house. It was a flash, an image, a bolt of lightning. My life, thankfully, could never be the same.
The memories began the journey to reclaim my life. Instead of four weeks, this journey would last for years.
I could have chosen not to take the first step. Instead, I took a leap of faith. That was the beginning. I was freefalling with no idea where I would land. I simply took it on faith that I would be okay. And I was.
Here’s what you must know before taking this leap: You will be okay. You really will. Surrender and fall into it, and the universe will support you. It will be scary as hell. It will take tremendous commitment. It will require strength you don’t even know you have yet. And, it will be worth it.
If you choose to, you can do this! You absolutely can do this!
Our Walk Together - Questions and Answers
When you talk about a “leap of faith,” are you talking about some type of religious experience?
I think it’s different for everyone. For me it wasn’t about my belief in a deity who would take care of me. It was a trust—and, by the way, I wasn’t big on trust at the time—that I could move into something without knowing where it would lead and be okay. At first, it was just a decision to trust even when I didn’t really feel that I could.
How do you make a decision to trust something when you don’t really feel trust?
Truthfully, I think it was a last resort. Nothing was working. What I had been doing wasn’t going to get me where I needed to go. This had been proven over and over again. So, it was about saying that I was going to just surrender and fall and trust that where I landed couldn’t be any worse than where I had already been. It was a conscious decision.
How do I start?
Start by letting go. Let go of trying to control everything. Admit that what you have done so far hasn’t worked. Make a commitment to explore the unknown, believing it’s not as scary as where you are right now.
Where did you land?
There’s not just one free fall or one landing. You land in a place and stay there for a while to let things sink in and to rest. Then you free fall again. You arrive at a different place, explore it for a while and move on, as you are ready.
How long did you fall?
Here’s the cool part. After you get used to it, you learn to use free falling as a positive tool in of your everyday life! I free fall all the time now—on purpose. I’ve learned the power of letting go and not trying to control everything. Of letting things unfold naturally. Countless blessings have come to me that way. We’ll talk more about that later.
Can you give an example of how you use free falling in a positive way now, unrelated to your healing process?
This website is a great example. My husband issued a challenge that scared the living daylights out of me. “You know, there are millions of people who really need a walk in the woods with you. Find a way to walk with them.” As I sat down with a blank page in front of me, I stepped into a brand new free fall, and this book is where I landed.
Is the free fall process just for people with repressed memories? Does it have relevance for someone who has been abused and has not repressed the abuse?
Absolutely. Whether you remember all of what happened or not, it still takes a leap of faith to step into that web of memories and emotions.
I think it’s different for everyone. For me it wasn’t about my belief in a deity who would take care of me. It was a trust—and, by the way, I wasn’t big on trust at the time—that I could move into something without knowing where it would lead and be okay. At first, it was just a decision to trust even when I didn’t really feel that I could.
How do you make a decision to trust something when you don’t really feel trust?
Truthfully, I think it was a last resort. Nothing was working. What I had been doing wasn’t going to get me where I needed to go. This had been proven over and over again. So, it was about saying that I was going to just surrender and fall and trust that where I landed couldn’t be any worse than where I had already been. It was a conscious decision.
How do I start?
Start by letting go. Let go of trying to control everything. Admit that what you have done so far hasn’t worked. Make a commitment to explore the unknown, believing it’s not as scary as where you are right now.
Where did you land?
There’s not just one free fall or one landing. You land in a place and stay there for a while to let things sink in and to rest. Then you free fall again. You arrive at a different place, explore it for a while and move on, as you are ready.
How long did you fall?
Here’s the cool part. After you get used to it, you learn to use free falling as a positive tool in of your everyday life! I free fall all the time now—on purpose. I’ve learned the power of letting go and not trying to control everything. Of letting things unfold naturally. Countless blessings have come to me that way. We’ll talk more about that later.
Can you give an example of how you use free falling in a positive way now, unrelated to your healing process?
This website is a great example. My husband issued a challenge that scared the living daylights out of me. “You know, there are millions of people who really need a walk in the woods with you. Find a way to walk with them.” As I sat down with a blank page in front of me, I stepped into a brand new free fall, and this book is where I landed.
Is the free fall process just for people with repressed memories? Does it have relevance for someone who has been abused and has not repressed the abuse?
Absolutely. Whether you remember all of what happened or not, it still takes a leap of faith to step into that web of memories and emotions.
Action Steps
Okay, are you ready to take your first action step? It’s a simple one. Get a journal to write in. You are going to need it for a lot of the exercises in this book. You will come to use it, as I have, as an important tool for your healing.
In your journal, answer these questions:
If you aren’t ready for some of these questions yet, that’s okay. Come back to them when you are.
In your journal, answer these questions:
- Is my life working now?
- What is the most radical change I would be willing to make if I knew it would bring healing?
- What’s the worst that could happen if I decided to free fall into healing my life?
If you aren’t ready for some of these questions yet, that’s okay. Come back to them when you are.
Copyright 2006 Journey Publishing LLC
